Book Review | The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

I decided to purchase The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson after stumbling upon what seemed to be a condensed version of the book on his blog. Perhaps it was because I find people who curse to be more honest or maybe it is that I like his style and chuckle at his metaphors, but the snippet on his blog sealed the deal that I needed to buy the full text for myself. After reading the book with a highlighter nearby, I can attest that while 210 pages doesn’t make it the quickest read, I found the whole book rather enjoyable. Divided into 9 chapters, this book offers insights through different walks of life and I could see myself picking this book up again in 10 years and finding different chapters more impactful than I do today.

The biggest takeaway I got from this book was the same as on the blog – if I find myself getting worked up over things that are simply unimportant, I really need to re-examine what’s important to me. While the book embellishes on this item and contributes more humorous stories and comparisons to back up this item, it remained one of my bigger lessons learned. Then, of course, there is the painful realization that you alone are responsible for your happiness. It’s not up to your spouse, parents, friends, family, cats, dogs…anyone other than you to create a life of happiness. The moment you stop placing blame on others and work at changing your life to be what you want it to be is the moment you choose your happiness.

Mark also points out in his book that while all sentient beings have feelings, humans are the only creatures on this planet that form thoughts and feelings about having those feelings! I can’t tell you how many times I am worried about an event going smoothly only to have it go smoothly and then get angry for being worried in the first place! My time would be much better spent (a) not having worried in the first place and (b) celebrating instead of being residually angry that the event went well and I ended up being worried for no reason. I am not saying that it is bad to have feelings, but there is definitely a category of feelings that can inhibit productivity and provide additional stress where it is unwarranted. Taking a rational approach post-event as opposed to having an emotional reaction is more constructive than having feelings which create doubts about repeat efforts.

Oddly enough, it is relatively easy for me to sort out what I should care about versus not care about. It’s a lot harder once I’ve decided that something shouldn’t be a priority to de-load myself of that “burden.” I’ve written about losses in leadership and how some of them involve letting go of activities that no longer develop you. It’s definitely a path that is easier said than done and no matter how much you promote that it’s a great skill-building opportunity for someone newer, sometimes that annual event or service just simply falls through the cracks. That’s a hard truth that I have a difficult­­­­­ time overcoming, but need to for my own personal growth.

If you have a penchant for vulgarity and don’t mind what I would consider a “tough love” approach, this is definitely a book you need to add to your shelf. This book will get you to start thinking about if you are caring too much about the wrong things through self-reflection. My only regret is not having picked this up sooner and I think that this will be directly applicable for anyone and everyone who finds themselves scrolling through social media and feeling like their life is nothing to brag about. I would highly consider purchasing this book for graduates and people early in their career as well as people that you think should start giving less f*cks.

Journal Reflection Activity

1. What are the top 3 things you give a f*ck about?
2. Is there something that is holding you back because you give too many f*cks about what people think of you/it/you-doing-it? What is it?
3. What is the first actionable step you can take today (aside from deciding not to care about perception) to break through the binds holding you back and in a forward direction towards accomplishing the goal you have in #2?
   1. <<ACTION>> Make a calendar reminder in your phone, tablet, pc, paper calendar to do it. Set aside the proper amount of time to complete the task with time to spare & commit to it like it’s a meeting with your boss!
4. What is one thing you give a f*ck about, but really doesn’t matter? Why do you care about it?
5. How would you go about letting go of the thing you answered for #4?
   1. <<ACTION>> Set up a calendar reminder a week in the future to reflect on how you did that week and how you can work to improve for the next week.
6. What is your metric of success?
7. Do only the extremes catch your attention? Do you feel like being average equates to being a failure?
8. Do you ever have defeating thoughts about your feelings? Are there any common feeling combinations (like feeling angry about being worried or feeling guilty about being angry)? How are you going to try disrupting that thought process so you don’t get down on yourself?

Sometimes putting a pen to paper is the most effective way to sort out your ideas. Whether you use a notebook you already write in daily or dedicate a specific journal for answering reflection questions or simply scribbling on a piece of paper, the important piece is to think about each of these questions and answer with complete unbiased honesty for yourself. You don’t need to share your answers to these questions with others to reap the benefits, although sometimes sharing in a close-knit group setting can help you identify any “blind spots.” Blind spots are characteristics or habits that you have grown so accustomed to that you don’t notice, but others may have strong feelings or reactions to them (good or bad).